Ray of hope
by Cathi
Summary: Spoilers for chapter 850 and 851. Sanji's desperate and doesn't have a clue what to do now. If I continiue this, it might be Zoro/Sanji friendship (or slash if you squint) later on.
1. Chapter 1

It was a fucking nightmare. That's what it was. A no win scenario, not that he believed in those, he was used to believing in unachievable dreams, thank you very much, but this time there was really no way out. Participating in the wedding, him and his whole bloody family-not that they'd ever behaved like one- being butchered versus running or fighting thereby sacrificing the only people that truly ever meant something to him. What a shitty choice. Luffy would say they'll find a way, stupid moron he was. And Sanji longed to believe him, but there was no way in hell, he'd let them get his nakamas, too, even if it was the only thing he could do. Grinding his teeth for the umpteenth time and cursing the day he'd been born he balled his fists. Being slaughtered was bad enough, but letting _her_ kill him, felt worse than starving and that was the most terrifying memory he could come up with. His ray of light. What a fool she had made him. No, he corrected himself, what a fool he had made of himself. Naive he was, no, stupid, stupid, stupid! He was a fucking moron. He had made it so easy for her to betray him, handed her his heart on the platter, let her push him in a fucking dead end street without even thinking. The marimo would love this. The shitty swordsman always scolding him for his behaviour towards the ladies. But Pudding she was no fucking lady she was - Sanji stopped his thoughts forcefully still resisting from going there, questioning everything he had believed in. He took another drag and continued staring into the dark night while he thought about what the hell he was supposed to do.


	2. Chapter 2

It was a good thing he wouldn't need to see her before the wedding, he wasn't sure he'd manage to keep the mask in place. Not that it had hindered her, he thought bitterly. The rest of the attending he could fool, could behave like a fucking smitten idiot oh so in love waiting for his beloved lady to marry him. He put on a good show, a perfect parody of himself, - no not a parody of himself, what he had been until a day ago: a living parody - and the hurt it brought almost worth it, every idiotic smile, every stupid word slicing himself in pieces, hurting beyond anything, paying the price for his stupidity. He smiled at her family. Yes, let them enjoy their ride while they could. He winked at one of her sisters babbling something stupid as he thought of the bloodbath to come. They thought themselves so clever, but they wouldn't know what hit them when they found out that the Vinsmoke family had mysteriously been informed about their plans. Ignorance was bliss, he thought, at least it worked both ways. He briefly wondered what'd happen to Pudding. Not sure what he should let himself wish. That cold blooded fucking... again he stopped his thoughts. Wasn't it bad enough that she had stolen his heart and made a fool out of him? Should he let her steal all his values- everything that he believed in, too? But what was worse? Just pretending she wasn't a real lady and going on with his hypercritic ignorance, making up exceptions where they didn't fit his picture, or admitting to being wrong after all? It didn't matter. Nothing mattered. He had done what he had to do, he'd saved those that mattered and as his final punishment he'd pay the price.

He remembered the talk he had with his sister, after sneaking back to the mansion, after telling her everything. She had taken it rationally, calmly. She hadn't interrupted only listened and quietly accepted what he had told her. Finally she had asked a single question and that - to his own puzzlement- was about him, how he planned to escape, to save himself.

"If I do, they'll know it was I who informed you," he had said. "Even if they don't find out about the Baratie, like you did, they'll track down the straw hats. They'll kill them, they'll do anything to make me pay."

She had shaken her head. "You can't just let her shoot you," she had said.

"That's exactly what I'm going to do," he had answered her and then left. And it had felt better, regaining at least some of the control that had been ripped from him.

But that had been then but now , moments before the ceremony to start, there was almost nothing of that feeling left. Right now he only felt hurt and alone, so utterly and completely alone like he had never felt in his whole, because after his childhood he had made sure that no one had never mattered enough. And that was what he got, he thought. How pathetic. He was a pathetic idiot and he only got what he deserved.


	3. Chapter 3

"Oi shitty cook," Zoro asked.

Not the real Zoro, obviously, but his mind playing sick jokes and imagining his voice. Why his conscience decided to come in form of that moss-head instead of his beautiful Nami-san or anyone he might actually listen to was beyond him. He was going to ignore it anyway.

"Being a whiney stupid excuse for a pile of shit, ero-cook?" he went on questioning. Sanji ignored him. It was irritating how even the thought of Zoro could leave him that annoyed. He was _not_ whiney, thank you very much.

"Playing dumb now, are you?"

Sanji didn't have to turn his head to see the made up vision of the swordsman next to him. Instead he just growled at him. Imagined or not, it felt satisfying enough.

"Fine", Zoro said, closing his eye and crossing his arms behind his head shrugging nonchantly, "not that I care."

"Leave me," Sanji hissed.

Zoro lazily opened his eye again, "So you can happily drown yourself in self pity or what? Has your perverted brain finally stopped working altogether..." he trailed of daringly.

If he were real it would have been a trap to get him riled up, to provoke him. Sanji gritted his teeth. If he were real he'd probably succeeded by now and had kick coming for him. Preferably in his face.

"Leave me the fuck alone, bastard..."

"So what?" the other one said, "so you could let yourself be killed in peace? You running away, hiding behind death?" the swordsman stopped and looked at him slowly and finally finished with a mixture of disappointment and contempt : "Never thought you'd be so weak..."

He kicked the air beside. He was _not_ weak. Damnit. He was doing the right thing, he was just protecting everyone. He didn't like the idea of her killing him, he hated it, but...

"There's nothing I can do!" he yelled at him,

Zoro shook just shook his head. "You're pathetic," he answered.

Pathetic, for falling for her like this? For being played like that? For abandoning his friends?

Zoro held his gaze, "No, for drowning in self-pity, for letting that bitch kill you without a fight."

He didn't even wince at the word. There was no fight he could put up against them. And even if- the costs of his nakama being the ones to pay for his mistakes were too high. "There's nothing I can do, Marimo," he said defiantly.

He saw the image draw his swords and attack violently he countered the first blow, then the second. They started coming harder and quicker until he felt that bastard putting more force in it than in any of their usual fights. He dodged another blow, but managed to block the following just barely , the next one got him hit to the ground. He was panting at the angry image of Zoro before him.

"If you want to die so much, then it should be me to cut you into pieces,"

"Do what you like, Baka,"

"I'm not finished yet. There's nothing you can do? What about some faith? What about trusting you nakamas to get you out of there?"

"Look where faith has put me!" Why couldn't that annoying son of the bitch keep quiet and leave him the fuck alone, even in his fucking thoughts?

"Because you always put it in the wrong people! Trust a girl you barely know before you trust your own nakamas. What the hell is wrong with you? After all we've been through you should trust us to get you out of that mess,"

"Trust you to turn up and get yourself killed, you mean," Sanji was on his legs again. He angrily kicked at the swordsman again but Zoro caught his leg in mid-air.

"No, just what I said. Trust us. Trust us to be strong enough. And fight. Fight till we get to you. Don't be a coward and run from the consequences of your own actions, you own Luffy an apology you own all of us an apology. Don't be a coward shitty cook, fight."

"I hate you," Sanji hissed drawing back his leg.

Zoro just grinned. "I know."


End file.
